The Worry of Disappointing Others & Seeking Validation
Thursday Therapy Thoughts
Are you someone who constantly feels judged by others? Are you worried you’re going to upset someone, or afraid you’re going to let someone down?
Me too - and it’s something I’m working on. I recently came to a realization that I hope is as helpful for you as it has been for me:
The validation we seek from others often stems from a lack of validation we’re giving to ourselves.
Are you judging yourself, or are you accepting yourself? Are you talking yourself up the way you would a close friend, or has your self talk been a little less than kind lately?
I’ve noticed that when I lack a sense of trust in myself & love for myself, I seek validation from others.
When we feel secure & confident in ourselves, it not only allows us to take a break from seeking external validation, it makes it easier to shrug off if someone else is judging us (although, more often than not, the concern is bigger in our minds than in real life). We stop worrying about validation or praise from others because we’re getting that validation from the person who matters most: ourselves.
Have you ever googled, “how to not care about what other people think?” Great - I definitely haven’t either. 😉 While I may have not found any answers during the Google search that I definitely didn’t do, my intuition continues to remind me why my continuous self love journey is so important.
Here are a few journal prompts & reminders
that can help you explore if you could use a little more validation from yourself, so you can worry less about seeking it from others (and in turn, reduce the excess anxiety & worry that comes along with it):
Who am I seeking validation from right now?
What is it I need from them?
How can I give this to myself?
What are some things I’ve been telling myself lately?
(This can be in general, about how you’ve been showing up, about a certain situation, or anything that comes to mind).
If you were to hear your friend tell you about (the situation, you as a person, etc.), what would you tell them? Write these things down and read them outloud to yourself.
What would I need to feel X?
If you need some inspiration: happy, fulfilled, relieved, calm, successful, rested, content, zen, courageous, spontaneous, alive, healthy, aligned
What are a few ways you can give that to yourself? Allow yourself to free write and choose one thing you can take action on.
Trusting yourself: Loving & accepting yourself often go hand-in-hand with trusting yourself, and feeling that you’re accountable TO yourself. What is one thing you can commit to?
This could be: making a meal plan, going for a walk, meditating, saying no to an invite that doesn’t align with your needs, speaking up for yourself, rest, 10 minutes of organization & cleaning… whatever it is, make a plan to do it & follow through.
When we make a plan to do something for ourselves and don’t follow through, we can feel the same disappoint we might feel if a friend or family member were to constantly let us down, even if we don’t acknowledge it in our conscious mind.
By making a promise to ourselves, for ourselves, and keeping it - we can start to trust ourselves, the love & acceptance we have for ourselves one day at a time.
