How I Found My Power Through Meditation & Reiki with Millana Snow

After an incredible event with Krista Williams, Lindsey Simcik (hosts of the Almost30 podcast) and Millana Snow at the Almost30 event in Chicago, I took some time to sit, reflect, and journal about my experience. If you’ve ever wondered how healing meditation can be and if reiki really works (it does), here is a recap of my experience and how I tapped into my power through a heart-opening meditation & reiki with Millana Snow.

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Photos by Paige Babilla

Feeling all sorts of feels after tonight’s Almost30 Event in Chicago with the most beautiful, honest, and soul cleansing meditation + reiki session with Millana Snow. I feel refreshed, nourished, and drained all at the same time. A good cry will do that to you. 

Krista, Lindsey and Millana warned us that we might cry when we let go and worked through emotions - so when we first started the meditation and I didn’t feel much, I thought, okay, maybe I won’t cry tonight. 

But then - shit got real.

Millana encouraged us to really step into the present moment within ourselves. She noted that sometimes, if we feel the need to itch, move, or adjust - that it was our subconscious trying to stop us from diving deeper into a place where we need to go, but may not feel comfortable doing so.

So I continued to sit with it. I resisted the urge to roll my neck, scratch my arm and crack my knuckles. I focused on being completely still with my breath. (And also stared to wonder, is this why I fidget so much? To avoid uncomfortable emotions I don’t want to feel?)

I started to feel some emotion, and I stopped myself, thinking, am I really feeling like I need to cry or do I just feel like I should?

I pushed the self stopping aside, continued to focus on my breath, and let the meditation take me to a deeper space where I could just sit with myself. I opened my heart and started to tap into some really important questions.

When I started asking myself, what am I really feeling right now? and the response I found within myself was teetering between nothing and overwhelmed - the emotions started to hit. How could I be feeling so overwhelmed & so much of nothing at the same time?

I continued to tap into my heart space even further. I kept asking [of my heart], what is it you need to show me right now? while repeating that I was open and accepting of whatever answer came. When I didn’t have some grandiose feel-good revelation immediately, I kept asking and continued to keep my heart open.

Photos by Paige Babilla

Eventually, without any awareness of when it started, I had tears streaming down my cheeks. 

My heart was telling me exactly what it needed - to let myself fully feel without apology or feeling the need to wipe those tears away. To let myself sit with my emotions as long as I need to.

I don’t cry as often as I should. I know it’s healthy, and I’m still working through the truth and acceptance that it’s okay to really feel - even the uncomfortable emotions - wholly and fully. I am constantly wanting to be there for others with a non-judgmental ear and open arms - and I realize that I’ve been lacking in doing the same for myself. 

When I cry, without even realizing it, I try to fight it. I’ve always thought that my body started shaking when I cried because it wasn’t used to this onset of emotion. But right when I started to shake, Millana came over, put her hand on my heart, and told me not to fight it. She reminded me that I had already come this far and that I was in a safe space - and I was terrified to really let go for fear that I’d loudly start bawling in this room full of people.

But, as soon as I stopped fighting it, the tears flowed peacefully down my cheeks and I stopped shaking. 

I realized that I can be (and I am) exactly who I need in this moment. I reminded myself that I truly deserve love - that I deserve to feel and love myself through every step of the process.

When she asked us to think about where our power came from, I was frustrated that mine felt stuck right in the back of my neck and behind my heart - until I realized that these are right behind the throat & heart chakras - and when I hold myself back from feeling & expressing myself - I’m blocking my own power. I realized that my power comes from feeling & expressing myself. 

When we let ourselves feel everything & love ourselves through it all - when we speak our truth from a place of honesty from the heart without worry of judgment or need for validation - that is how we find our power. This is how we gain it all back.